Matt, I just watched your video on cleaning your ukulele, which reminded me of something I have seen on Etsy and other FB ukulele sites - painted ukuleles. If a cleaning product can damage the finish of a uke, then I would assume that paint would do the same, right? There is a seller on Etsy who uses inexpensive ukes (from Amazon, I assume), then paints them and re-sells them. Some of the artwork is gorgeous but wouldn't the layers of paint kill the sound? Yesterday I saw another one on a FB site where the lower bout was decorated using coloured epoxy. It blew my mind that someone would do that. I am thinking that you'd be better off getting a uke that had inlay work in abalone or laser etching than one that was painted. Unless, of course, you just wanted a painted uke as wall art.
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I suppose you could install a pickup and pipe the sound through speakers.